see CC see

Serious silliness

2010-08-30T08:25:00.000-07:00

There are moments where I see our future, M. You and me. I see laughter and tears existing side by side as you navigate the extreme roller coaster that will be your emotions. You like to do everything big, and I have a feeling your dramas will be no exception. And I will help you through them. I will try to teach you to use your natural sense of humor to laugh your way through the tough times you will encounter. To not take yourself too seriously, or anyone who tries to make you feel less than all you are.

They say that we can train our neural pathways to influence the types of thoughts we have, and our reactions to emotions. Some even believe that this is what makes us divine - our ability to change, truly change, for the better. I hope you keep up the happy, even silly thoughts and actions. I can't think of a better starting point for your outlook on life.

Du Bean

2010-07-16T19:14:00.000-07:00

This picture is old, and I have different things to say about this little girl. But for now, I'll point out how delicious and messy she is in the raw. I've started cleaning up my pictures, but this one was uploaded before I began removing spots and dirt from faces. And here she is, the lovely Doobean, dirt and all, with an almost-healed nose and a bump near her eye. The epitome of new toddlerhood, with innocence to cover her and destruction in her wake.

Att.it.ude.

2010-07-05T18:32:00.000-07:00

You must have carried your ability to reason in your long locks. Because as soon as I chopped them off, you lost something. Or maybe you gained something in your new look. A sass of the highest degree (you certainly do wear it well). You are obedient to no one but the attitude that possesses you, and though we are wringing our hands and shaking our heads with how to deal with you most days, there are times that you are still sweet little dependent Audri - looking for love. I try to hug you more these days, to show you what you won't listen to. I try to ignore the upturned chin and sassy glare as you fight my will and talk me down with your threatening vocabulary. And when I can't, I hope I can maintain control long enough to remember that I'm here to teach you what to do with all your fire and spite. I'm here to show you how to use it for good and make it work for you and others, to turn it into a strength - though it certainly doesn't make you seem weak. My petite little girl, you have strength of spirit such as I have never known. Use it well.

Silly and Strong

2010-05-31T21:28:00.000-07:00

Your backbone is strong and straight. You have poise, not ungracefully held. Muscles taut under firm flesh, you hold your head high. Beautiful and golden as you push your way through life. Discipline may yet evade you, but your heart is in your work. Comedy is your art form and you perform it proudly, even while you explore other expressions. Your body will support your dreams - never forget its purpose and what it can do for you. Form and function. Gilded and graceful. Dancing or running, laughing or singing, you will reach your goals.

Trio

2010-04-27T10:42:00.000-07:00

The estrogen trail stops here. But it will circle back on itself an infinite number of times as connections and bonds grow stronger and more beautifully defined. Simplicity will sometimes give way to complex and torrential interactions, but your relativity to each other will stay the same no matter what you do. And I believe and have hope that it will preserve you to each other in the end. But right now, I watch you enjoy the shape of your circle as it widens and stretches and molds around the 3 of you. It encloses you in its protective boundaries, but I also know that even now, you are preparing a circle within it. A separate yet included space for the one that will change the shape of our family. But I don't think he will change the shape of your love. You will just open your circle to protect him in its walls, and you will be stronger because of it.

What hides behind a dimple?

2010-04-06T10:16:00.000-07:00

What goes on in your head as you stare blankly in the moment before breaking into a clownish grin? Your face is an endless array of expressions that attempt to sell your quirky brand of humor. Sometimes a bit too obnoxious, but I love your zest even when it comes through a bit strongly. Your straight blonde hay strands of hair and grey blue eyes are often the only reminder that we are connected, because there are times when I don't understand your view of the world or your place in it. Times that you must be a perfect reflection of your father's childhood because I have no memory of being so silly. Then there are the times that you see my own perspective all too clearly and I marvel at this gift of a teacher that has been sent to me. My little eldest. My nearly constant sunshine. You are a bright spot and I know that you will lighten the loads of others in your life as you share your gifts that create wonder and giddiness. Stay happy Miss M.

One

2010-03-22T08:34:00.000-07:00

Angel, sweet, happy, easy baby. That's what you are to everyone else. But to me? To me you are love. Just love. You love me as much as I love you, and I would love you just as much with different adjectives attached. With straight blond hair like Madalynn and rosy red lips like Audri, you are still just you. Julia. Our huggin, kissin, lovin little baby girl. I hope that I can teach you to love everyone you meet the way you love us. Openly, affectionately, without judgement. Because I know they will love you in return. And that's what we're here to do. Love as if our lives depended on it. Because they do. In just one year, you've learned the greatest lesson that you will ever need. Now all you have to do is not forget it. I love you.

Cousins

2010-03-09T10:24:00.000-08:00

Moving objects. Closer, then further apart. At once both attracted to a similar quality and deterred by that sameness in size. Sister cousins of sisters is what you are and I hope that you find joy in closeness even though we live so far apart. I hope you rely on each other for perspective in a way you will never be able to with siblings (at least not until you're MUCH older) and I hope you always keep each other a part of your lives. Sweet, sweet little girls.

Sisters

2010-02-19T21:00:00.000-08:00

You are the definition of sisters. The perfect push and pull of giving and taking. You fight while playing. You play while fighting. You see each others' needs and you meet them when I least expect it. You share what you shouldn't have to and you think life is just the right amount of unfair. But you seem to know that you are lucky to have each other. I watch you adore one another - both similarly and in ways that only your difference in height can account for. You will have hard times together, both of your own making and of the nature of being a year apart in school - but I know that you will still be friends. All the way to the end.

Holy Wholeness

2010-02-19T20:55:00.000-08:00

You have come so far, my baby. Those little toes are still so little, but you have grown in ways that make you seem twice what you once were. Still my infant, my innocent. You are finding your voice - the voice that you have had since before you were born - and you are using it. I love watching you unfold and show us a little more each day the person that you are.

Seeing is not understanding

2010-02-19T20:53:00.000-08:00

Audri, the apple of my eye. The baby that always clung and made me her world. You let others in now, but I still see how you look at me. I can lift you or I can let you fall. Why do you give me such power? Why do you act like you don't care when I know that you hang by such a fragile thread? You don't let Madalynn overshadow you, because you fight to be heard and seen. You see wonder in the world and you already talk like a pre-teen. Where do you get your input? How does the world influence you? Will I always have the power to sway your mind and reason with you? Can I reason with you now, or do you just let me believe that I can? I'm not sure I'll ever understand you, but I can hope that you come to understand yourself.

Unfolding

2010-02-19T20:49:00.000-08:00

The petals unfolded just as our love for you did in the days after we brought you home from near tragedy. You loved your daddy best even then. You were connected before the blessing was even pronounced, and now you are like true friends. What a blessing that truly is. You need each other, and you find joy in your closeness and reliance. I couldn't be more grateful.